Thursday, September 17, 2009

Fell out and in....LOVE

I fell out of love for someone whom I thought I would end up marrying, a few months ago. Well, the relationship was already rocky for quite sometime already. I just didn't have the courage to end it much earlier and neither did he. But, you just knew something wasn't right when you start to push yourself to understand the other person, where as, you forgot to understand your own self...about what you really want and how you want the person to understand you.

Telling you endlessly to have patience and...wait.

Yeah...I waited alright. But, when there's no more effort / plan to be with / see you a.k.a commitment a.k.a I want to focus on my work right now, don't you think it's time to leave? And not only that... I didn't feel any love anymore but only sadness.

I respect those who could be in a relationship (not marriage) for a long time, and still end up marrying and live happily ever after. But, I didn't think I could stay any longer (plus it's a long distant relationship).

And so, I fell out of love and I was the one who got the courage to actually end the relationship. It was tough, going through it on your own...not telling anyone, but thanks to family, workload, and friends...I survived. For the first few weeks, I thought I made a wrong decision, looking for signs for me to go back to him but, I didn't see any and nothing showed me that I made a wrong decision. Instead, I felt so much relieve that I don't have to think about him.

I didn't want to tell anyone, but, what the heck...let bygones be bygones.

Then, now...a few months later...not a few...just recently...am no more single...

Never thought I would fall for this guy. But, yeah..I did and still am. How long this thing will last? Not sure....I fell out, and there may be possibility to fall out again, too. But, I will not let it happen again because of the obstacles I went through to be with this one (and more to come).

As long as I know what I want and I am happy (veeeerrrrrrryyyyyyyy)....then, who knows? We plan, but God will be the one who decides everything.

Bak kata cerita Melayu, "Kalau dah jodoh, takkan ke mana2..." Tapi, mun sikda effort nak cari, or plan mok kawen, jodoh ya sampei bila-bila lah jadi jodoh ajak.

Wish me luck! :)