I was suggested by someone to read the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray. I googled on this book and I was laughing my head off when I read some notes of the book. See if you are ...
The point system
Gray suggests that men and women count (or score) the giving and receiving of love differently. Men tend to give larger blocks of points (20, 30, 40 points etc.) for what they think are Big Acts, while women give each act of love one point at a time. According to Gray, women tend to keep a Points System that few men are aware of. Men and women each monitor the amount of give and take in a relationship and if the balance becomes off and one person feels they have given more than they have been given to, resentment flu develops. This is a time when communication is very important to help bring the relationship back into balance.
Example: A man might count a $200 present as 20 points and helping her to carry a heavy bag as 1 point (or he may not even assign any point to the latter), but a woman may count these acts as only 1 point each.
For her, the total sum of points comes from different aspects. For example: - the different parts of the environment where the present is given each get 1 point (candles, music, privacy, location etc.) - the card gets 1 point, - flowers get 1 point, - if he tells her "I love you" in the morning it is 1 point, - if he sincerely takes a moment to notice her and tells her "You look beautiful" in the evening it is 1 point, - if he hugs her, it is 1 point, - the gift itself gets 1 point.
Men and women are often surprised to find the scoring method is different. Most men are not even aware that all women "keep score".
The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks his work has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly. Men tend to think they can do one Big Thing for her (scoring 50 points) and not do anything else. They assume the woman will be satisfied with it.
To the woman, she would rather have many many Little Acts on a regular basis. The reason is that women like to think their man is thinking of them and cares for them on a regular basis.
Comments: I didn't even realize this. Actually, it's quite true for my case. I am like that. It's in my nature and it's in the nature for men to be like what is being explained up here.
The cave and the wave
Another major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or spend time with friends. The point of retreating is to take time to determine a solution. What is known is that men in their caves are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand, many times this is a "time-out" of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. Gray posits that this allows them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.
Gray holds that this retreat into the cave has historically been hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues (even if talking does not solve the problem). This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman tries to grow closer. According to Gray this becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.
The "wave" is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don't receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman needs the love, listening, understanding and reassurance of those around her (including self love). Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to rise like a wave and once again has love and energy to give. Men must support this natural cycle by not being threatened by it or telling her why she should not feel this way.
Men can simply listen to her, constantly reassure her of his love/commitment/monogamy or take a few chores off her back (just a few simple chores will do). Most men get threatened because they think, "Why can't she be happy?" or think she is blaming him, but that is not the case.
Comments: I didn't know that there is a cave. No wonder lah... I am acting like the woman being described here. I thought I was abnormal. It has already been written by Mr. John!
There's a lot more on the book. This one I extracted from Wikipedia. There are various reviews/critics about his book. Some said that the solutions that were suggested by this guy actually turning the guys to be a whimp.hahahahaha...But, some made good comments such as women (like me) should not be so worried if men cannot give full attention. And men should be able to compromise with women / give and take. I personally like the point system. I was laughing and thought about it..hmmm...everything about the grading is true. Nothing can please a woman enough.
For example : A guy would think buying plastic flowers is enough because it's show everlasting love...Women...what do you think?....Exactly...(what???plastic flowers aa...why kenot buy fresh flowers?when it rots to death, can buy again mah)
See...cheering myself up,here :) Adios amigos.