There are so many things in life (almost 29 years of my life) in which I thought I could control. I determine my own future, I determine my hopes and I determine my dreams. But, after analyzing my past....
When I was 7 years old, my ambition was to be an architect (even I didn't even know what is an architect..the word sounds bombastic at that time when my teacher asked me what i wanted to be when I grow up)
When I was 15 years old, I changed my ambition to become a doctor. Well, I got a 7 for my Biology in SPM. I dare not pursue.,..I can't even differentiate kodok and katak.... so I changed to engineer..WOW...
When I was 19 years old, my grades were not good to enter engineering, so I got Science instead and took up Computational Mathematics. I have no idea what was going on that time. I seriously don't know what I would work as after I graduate. Seriously...I was devastated.
But, I took the courses, failed a few courses, got up again, and then...graduated with an OK-lah result. Now, I still don't know what job to apply. Uh-huh...yep...doomed..
I wanted to become an engineer, but, I can't as I'm not qualified..so, I thought, hmm..maybe I should work around engineers..haaaaaaaa...apply Shell...haa...a lot of engineers...Teeettttt...failed the final stage interview.hahaha..oh well..takda nasib. Two weeks later, I got an interview in my current workplace. Then, what...wait lah...almost three months of waiting, so, I thought...hmm..takda nasib..might as well tanam anggur and lemak. Then...just 1 day before the end of the third month of waiting (coz they say, if you wait for three months, and no answer from the them, considered as bubbye), I got a call from them and told me to report duty. Wahhhh... I just got my DL, and so...I drove (60km/h - 70km/h) in my rented Kancil, I called it rented because the car was still under my sis's name, to my workplace on the day I reported for duty.
So, here I am...5 years working in the same organization. Accepted that I can't be what I wanted to be (architect, doctor, engineer) and I actually can't really control my future,hopes and dreams. I just work through what I think is best for me.
And especially, one thing I learn....just let go and let God. Let Him decide what is best for me. I'm not planning to just sit down and do nothing. I just have to do the best that I can do for myself and satisfy my own needs and let God guide me. About love?well...I wanted to marry Brad Pitt, don't know if I still have the chance or not to propose to him. As I said, I will let go of my upmost worries and let God. Who knows?Anything is possible.