I'll miss her...

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have read all my posts, you may think that this blog is a very sad blog. Talking about death, life after death and then another death. I feel sorry for you if you think that way. I wished I could write happy things every day, really I do. But, these past few months were challenging to me and my family. Only God knows how I'm feeling right now.

Heart is broken yet again after I found out Inik Tana died. I heard the news from Bibi on the phone. She couldn't wait any longer to take her last breath and so, she died at 9.10pm with Mak Wis, Mak Wa, Mak Moi, Mak Lo and Aba Ndin around her. To those who don't know who this beautiful lady was, she was Dad's loving Mother. She was also my favourite Grandma and my second name was given after her.

I never saw Dad cry until the day Inik Tana died. Mom told me he wailed in the car when he heard about Inik. They were on their way to Inik's place that night she died. Unfortunate for Dad, he didn't get to see her alive for the last time. Fourty three days after Aba Jang passed away, Inik Tana died on the 5th February 2009.

If you want me to talk about Inik Tana, I could only tell you great things about her. She was an educated person who was fluent in English. I still remember how shocked Maria was when she saw my Inik read English newspapers when we were both young. When she was still physically ok, she walked around her neighbourhood every morning and evening and did gardening. She was a very strong lady both physically and mentally until she fell on her back after she slipped on the bathroom floor two years ago.

Memories of her will bring laughter to anyone who listens about her. She liked to make jokes even when she was in pain. "Apa jahi kuak nya nadai kuat...asai ticak jak uhut kuak," "Apuu...tuai mat mua ku dalam gambar nyakk, nya bahu inik urang..baka nenek kebayan," If you know Iban, you'll understand these.

I'll miss millions of things about her. I'll miss her smile...I'll miss her smell...I'll miss kissing her cheeks..I'll miss hugging her...I'll miss saying, "Oh nek, apa gaga dik nek..dah makai?"I'll miss holding her hand...I'll miss her kindness and thoughtfullness...I'll miss her scolding, even..

Dad lost his mom...Mom lost her brother...I lost two most loved persons in the family. But I know God love both of them more than anyone else. I hope they are now safe in His hands. During the days of mourning her death, we sang a few praise and worship songs which were her favourites. One of the songs was this..

Betapa Hatiku

Betapa hatiku Tuhan, berterima kasih Yesus

Kau mengasihi ku, Tuhan. Kau memiliki ku.

Hanya ini Tuhan, persembahan ku

Segenap hidupku, jiwa dan raga ku

S’bab tak ku miliki, harta kekayaan

Yang cukup bererti ‘tuk ku persembahkan

Hanya ini Tuhan, permohonan ku

Terimalah Tuhan persembahan ku

Pakailah hidupku, sebagai alatmu

Seumur hidupku.

Yes, it is weird to sing praise and worship songs during mourning period. We did it for her. Father Trevor brought his ukelele to the cemetery and sang together with Aba Ndin and my cousins at her funeral. They sang all her favourite songs while we wait for the workers to seal her grave.

She had lived her life simple, saw her six great grand children already before she die, served the country, served God as a good Christian and fulfilled her task as a mother to her six children. She was a wonderful Grandma that anyone could ever wish for.

May she rest in peace.

A beautiful flower laid to rest

5th February 2009...9.10pm...

Flora Umpang Linang 

~14 April 1917 - 5 February 2009 ~

Inik Tana died in her room at her home. She was 91 years old and was bedridden for two years. Another death, another heartbreak for the family. I knew she will leave soon, but I never knew that her death will leave another terrible, emotional scar in me.

I need few more days to recover. I'll write about this soon.

Her funeral was reported in Eastern Times. This is definitely one famous Inik.

Till the next post..

40th day after ...

Today is Aba Jang's 40th day after he left us. Yesterday, a few of us went to the Anglican cemetery in Batu Kitang to lit up candles for him. Though it was raining the whole day, we decided to carry on with our plan to go there. We arrived at the cemetery around 3.30pm and there were quite a number of cars parked along the road. Must be a funeral.

It was cold and wet out there, luckily I brought my sweater jacket. We walked from our cars, passing by tombstones after tombstones. Stopping for a few seconds when Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok saw familiar ones. We even stop to look at nice tombstones for ideas for Aba Jang's.

A funeral had already ended by the time we reached the graveyard. An Iban family just lost their grandmother / aunty / sister. A 50 year old lady. May God bless her soul. We moved quietly as possible, ignoring them as we searched. It took a while to look for him. "Aba Jang, dini alai dik?", I called out softly. Almost instant, Lila found him..

Mom saw two candles had already been lit. We cleared out old candles and rubbish on top of his grave. Mom took out new ones and placed two big candles on both sides of the cross. I lit them up and we started to lit the other candles. It was difficult to make them stand in this rain.

Suddenly, a family member of the funeral greeted us and told us that she knew Aba Jang. One of her relative was Aba Jang's friend. He was the one who lit the two candles. She even mentioned that the deceased knew him, too. The deceased was also a kidney patient and she received treatment from the Kuching general hospital just like Aba Jang. Also, her illness took her life away.
They moved out to their cars and we were left alone. We finished up lighting the candles and we talked for a while before we left. The rain was getting heavier so we couldn't stay long. Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok cried a bit. I knew it was still hard on them to face the fact that their brother died.

We said our goodbyes to him and we made a promise that we will come and visit him again. Our next task is to choose the right design for his tombstone. Mom said to put flower design on his tombstone. We all disagreed with her. I don't think Aba Jang wants that...definitely not.

We will miss you, Aba Jang. Good bye...

@}->--

20 Signs you're getting older

I thought about 20 signs that show I'm getting older while I was waiting for the clock to strike 7 this morning when I was on the bed.

1. I listen to Mix FM. I can't have too much of Avril Lavigne, Sum41 in Hitz FM.

2. I bought myself kitchen utensils, like Corelle plates, Tupperware containers..oh no, I'm listing all the brands!

3. My car's radio volume is only between 7 to 10.(max is 20, I think)

4. I have green plants in my office and they're still alive.

5. I can't remember where the *#@% I keep my external hard disk.

6. I've read 4 books last year.(used to be only 1 per year)

7. I permed, coloured, permed again and coloured..again...my hair.

8. I look up to Nine West shoes, MNG clothes, etc instead of Roxy t-shirts, Converse sneakers..*sigh*...

9. I go to church almost (hehe..) every week and even thinking to join the church choir someday.

10. I went to five weddings last year and this year another three more to attend.

11. I have life insurance, car insurance, unit trusts, etc. I'll be rich when I die old. (touch wood..)

12. I no longer use words like c*&@*, b*&%#, k%&*@ in my conversations with my friends.

13. I use *$%* signs to write out foul words.

14. I'll say this, " Masa kita kecik lok eh," when I tell people about my childhood days.

15. I don't even care who wins MTV awards or the Grammys anymore.

16. The bands I listen to when I was in uni are considered classic rock now.

17. I have bad love handles!

18. When I'm on the passenger seat in the car, I hold on to the hand grip (the one on top of my head) most of the time.

19. I double check my doors to make sure they are locked properly before I leave.

20. I rely on Microsoft Word to check my spellings and I'm learning to 'photoshop' my pictures (still not good at it).

These are the only ones I can think of right now. Oh well, life still goes on. At least I'm not thinking of going for plastic surgery. Seriously, no, I have not!Well, not yet..hehehe...

Au voir!

Music is my life...my soul..my life ..k, said it twice already.

Alo again..I know..been a while since my last entry. Since today is Chinese New Year and today is also officially public holiday and it is 1.49 am, I'll write something.

So sorry, I won't be posting new pics of me right now. Maybe next entry. I need more energy (eyes twitching due to sleepyness) to load the pics. However, I want to show some interesting videos which I found in youtube.

My new passion right now is playing the guitar. Actually, it's an old one.. I stopped playing guitar when I entered uni. I didn't think that bringing Dad's guitar to the uni was a good idea. So, I stopped playing and I forgot most of the guitar chords except for C, Aminor, G and erm..Eminor. Dad taught me to play some chords but most of it I found them from the Internet (ha...lle..lujah..).

So, now...I have to start fresh again..As a beginner..daymn..

A few weeks ago, Dad brought home Aba Jang's two guitars and he told me to do something about the guitars. Hmm..I picked the one with the "guitar bag" (seriously I dunno what's it called), unzipped and took out the guitar.Still in good shape..The other one lost a few strings, though, but still in good shape. So, I decided that moment that I must know how to play guitar.

Right at this moment, my list of songs that I can play (but not that 100% good:( ):

1. Kiss me by Sixpence None the Richer - so easy lah
2. Hotel California by the Eagles - strum, ok?not the plucking/ finger style.
3. More than words by Extreme - know how to play all the chords, still need to work on the strumming.
4. Yesterday by the Beatles - ok lah, but I think the chords from the website I found a bit cacat.Need to learn again.

The list will increase after I master these four songs. I think it's gonna take a while.hehe..well, I have all the time in the world to strum, pluck, whatever..

Anyway, as the Internet has become the most powerful source of information known to mankind (what am I saying here?), I found few videos which I find VERY inspiring.

Case study 1: Guitarist

hahah..like i'm delivering an e-learning class.huahuahua..

I came across this video by a 11 year old Korean boy named Sungha-Jung. I was looking for More Than Words tutorial videos. Then suddenly, in the related results, I saw the statistics of this video was in millions! So, out of curiosity, I clicked, waited for it to load and then my jaw dropped...



If you didn't click on the video then, you are actually missing to watch a child guitar prodigy. He's the most talented, brilliant young guitarist I've ever seen in my entire life. If you have watched it, then, ok lah..you guys are more brilliant than I am to have discovered this kid earlier than I had. At least Dad didn't find this earlier than I did, that's fine with me. His jaw dropped, too. Luckily his teeth didn't fall off.nyeh..nyeh..

Take a look at this, too.


He played side by side with a guy twice his size. And look at the kid's fingers!!! I've got long fingers but I can't stretch them to play G7 chord properly!boo hooo...hoo... The best video for me is the next one. A song called Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi.



I'm so jeaaalous.....waaa...no, I should be inspired..ok, ok,...next...

Case study 2 : Pianist, Guitarist plus Singer/Songwriter

This guy...hmm...I dunno how I found his videos. He's a Philipino-American guy who is currently studying in one of the music colleges in the US. Oh ya...now I remember, I was looking for videos of a song called Amber by 311. This guy did a medley of three songs, Amber, Santeria (Sublime) and Every Morning (Sugar Ray). Wonderful, really..



I was personally attracted to this one, too. He played his piano. Imagine that, he can sing, play piano AND GUITAR!Me??zilchh...



And also this one.He sort of sang a duet with this girl named Lydia Paek (maybe Korean-American) for a song called Chasing Pavements. That girl sang not bad.



Another one by the girl. She sang Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys and John Mayer.



I must work on my voice..Pronto!

Well, there's more to share. Maybe next entry. Before I bid goodbye, there's another video I found. Actually, I want to share the song in the video. It's called Again by Secrets in Stereo. This guy/ band is still quite new in the music scene. I wanted to download this particular song, but, I couldn't find it in Ares. Please help, it's a really great song. It's not from the Twilight movie soundtrack, if you watch this later. The person who posted this video replaced a song which was one of the tracks from the movie with this one. I think it has something to do with copyright issues.



Want to sing along? Here's the lyric.Let's sing together!

Again
(Josh Ryan / Jason Collum)

If I had my way, I had my way
I wouldn’t change a thing, wouldn’t change a thing
Cause you’re my obsession
You keep me in the dark to see your spark
You’re keepin’ me guessin’
Messin’ with my heart. Got it down to an art

Your eyes surprise me every time
Your kiss it twists me, blurring the lines
And it’s the very first night all over
The very first smile and then
I’m falling for you
Again

You wreck my world, you wreck my world
You’re always that girl, always that girl
Who walked in the room and
I couldn’t look away. You captivate
So drawn to you, and I still feel that way
Some things never change

Your eyes surprise me everytime
Your kiss it twist me, blurring the lines
And it’s the very first night all over
The very first smile and then
I’m falling for you
Again

Goodnight / Goodmorning!