8 days since my Aba Jang passed away.
24th December 2008
We cleaned up the house to prepare for Xmas.
Tree... checked; Presents... checked; Cakes... checked; Drinks... checked; everything looked fine. After all that, I karaoked a few songs for about an hour and then after that I painted the kitchen wall with Dad and Sindy. I didn't think of him...
By 7.30pm, we were at Maria's house to have our Xmas eve dinner.We chat and drank for a while, then, by 9pm Sue, Sindy and I left the house for the midnite mass in St Thomas church. We arrived quite late and it was raining, no more parking space in the church compound so Sue told me to park at Merdeka Palace. We walked to the church and when we arrived, we found out there wasn't any seats left. The rain got heavy and we stood behind plastic chairs under the canopy. I was on my 2 1/2 inch heels...pain...real pain...
" Amat lebat ujan malam tok, peda dik nyu basah kasut ku tok," Sue said. "Nyak meh, kaki aku nyuka patah tok, pedih amai...cabaran...cabaran..," I said. " There must be something that we will go through after this," I added. Yes, we stood there for at least 2 hours. We prayed for the rain to stop, but, I didn't pray for him...
After the bread and wine, we decided to leave the mass early. I couldn't stand standing another hour. I called up my mom, she said she's leaving Maria's place, so no more merry making, I sent Sue back to her house, then, went straight home. I didn't feel anything weird...
25th December 2008
I got myself ready to bed. It was 12.15 am.Yey, it's Xmas day. I heard a few firecrackers outside,hmm..a bit quiet this year. I bought a few DVDs yesterday so, I decided to watch Twilight. I'd finished reading the book, and boy, that book was good. So, I wantedto watch the movie to compare how bad the movie compared to the book. I still didn't think of him...
I was on my bed, laptop on my right side, light switched off. Half way through the movie, I saw a light piercing my dark room. I turned to my door, it was Sindy. I could see her mouth moved saying something, but I couldn't hear as I had my earphones. "Nama neh?" I asked her. "Aba Jang, Aba Jang dah nadai." "Ha?????", I sat up on my bed. Oh my God, what had happened?I thought he was recovering.
I stood up and walked out of my room, I went down and saw Lila and Bibi getting ready. I heard a wail coming from the shower room. Immediately, I knew it was my mom. Tears rolled down my cheeks...Oh mom, I'm so sorry... I walked towards the shower room and stood there til my mom came out of the shower. We hugged for about a minute there and cried. "Nama utai nemu beketu, mey (mom) ?", I asked my mom between sobs. "Nadai ku nemu nak, nama kebuah nemu beketu. Aram kitai ngagai rumah Mak Yi," she said. It was 1.25 am. He passed away at 1am in Kuala Lumpur General Hospital. Alone... by himself without any of us by his side to take his last breath..alone.
To recall back the situation in Maria's house is impossible to describe. All of us cried. we hugged and cried, very opposite as to what happened a few hours ago in the same house. "Kati ka Gabik aku neh, Tot?" Mak Yi cried to mom. We cried again..because, Gabik's wedding reception was supposed to be held on the 27th. Two days from now. Gabik told us that she's willing to postpone. Mom said no, just go on. "I'm sure he'll understand. All he wanted was to be home with us, to see your wedding". At this moment, everyone wailed. Aba Jang spoke many times of home, but the doctors told Mak Yi that he can't go home yet. I guess this was his only way to go home...
Mak Yi tried to call Mak Ya, but her phone was switched off. Then, called Isaac, managed to get through, but didn't last a minute. Tried to call back, but could not get through. After 15 minutes, Mak Ya called. Mak Yi broke the news to her and I could hear her cry in the phone..
Lila, Bibi and Biyam volunteered to bring him back home. Poor Biyam, he arrived today from KL, and now he's going back there again. He was the last one to see Aba Jang. Someone made coffee, everyone drank, just for the sake of letting the caffeine to help us stay awake. We sat down at the kitchen table and tried to think of what to do next. Mom said to dress Aba Jang. Lila told to list it down the things to buy on a paper. Mak Yi tried to write, but her fingers trembled. I took the pen and wrote the list of things to buy..
1. White shirt
2. Neck tie
3. Socks
4. Suit
5. Shoes
6. Singlet
I couldn't remember what else I wrote. All I could remember, I was crying so much as I wrote those. The last time I met Aba Jang was at Biyam's engagement party in Kg Krokong. That was before his kidney transplant. At that time, he was smiling and laughing, and dancing through the night. He took lots of pictures, as that was his all time passion. Not long after that, he was told that there was a donor. God bless the donor's soul. Transplant went well. Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok were there almost 2 months to support their only brother and youngest. He showed recovery, but, God must have loved him more than any of us, as He took him away on a blessed day, after 4 months in the hospital. He died due to pneumonia and not because of his new kidney.
Discussion ended around 2.30am. I felt stupid because I couldn't do anything. Dad told me to calm mom down. She has high blood pressure. Mak Yi vommitted, so Maria and I told them to lie down. They tried, we all tried, but, no one could stay silent and not cry for more than 10 minutes. There's so many things to do but we had to wait til 6am. My head hurt because I was still confused and I cried too much. My eyes were swollen and black. Serene and I accompanied Maria to send Biam, Lila and Bibi to the airport. We waited about 30 minutes for the MAS office to open so that we can purchase the tickets. Before they walk to the departure hall, Lila told me, " Try not to cry. If everyone is crying, nobody will stay focus. Just wait for us to come home." I nodded weakly. We went back to Maria's house.
At that moment, right side of my head hurt so bad. I walked quickly to the sofa and lied down. I tried not to think of anything. Sindy had fallen asleep. Two candles were lit and placed on a coffee table. Just in case he's trying to find his way home...A moment later, Maria woke me up to tell me it was time to go to Inik's house. "We need to break the news to Inik and Aki," she said. But my head was too heavy, I told her to go without me. So, Sindy, Phoebe, Julina and I stayed behind. I went back to my dreamless sleep.
I received a call from Mak Kok and she told me to blow off the candles. She told us to get ready to go to Inik's place. I sat up and stared the floor. Was this all just a bad dream? I looked at the candles...No..it did happened.
Maria and Gabik arrived around 7.30am. I woke Sindy and Phoebe up. We went out and bought breakfast to bring to Inik's house. Sindy and I went home to take some clothes for my mom to change in Inik's house. One or two shirts?Talcum powder? I wanted to make sure that I got everything right for her. Then, I got some clothes for myself and we left. As we arrived at Inik's, the first person that I wanted to see was Aki. He looked calm though I saw his eyes wet. Inik was there too, but I didn't really look at her. Maria told me earlier, Aki took the news calmly. She told me that, Aki said that he had prayed to God, if He loved Aba Jang, either take him or treat him. God must have done the first.
The rest of the day felt long. My sis, cousins and I busied ourselves in the kitchen. We searched for plates, spoons, cups, knifes around. The kitchen was fit for a treasure hunt. There were so many things (unnecessary) !!! We made do of what we found and made some food for the relatives that slowly came to the house. Lila called around 12noon and told us that they could be back tonight. Sooner than expected. Some men cleared out the living room to give way to the biggest and saddest Christmas present of all...
"Baju nama ka kenak, Mak Yi?" I asked Mak Yi. " Dress up the best you can. As we are welcoming him home for Christmas," she answered in a shaky voice. Tears tried to fall again, but I managed to stop it. I chose the black blouse which I bought few days ago for Christmas. I almost bought a black skirt to go with it, but, I didn't buy it. I should have bought it...Dress well for Aba Jang.
I started receiving Xmas wishes from my colleagues and close friends through SMS. I was supposed to go out with Pame, but, until today, I have not done so. I hope she understands what I'm going through right now. Lila called me to ask how were things, I wished I could say ok. She said that everything was taken care of on her side. Boy came all the way from Johor to help too. Then, she asked me,"Have Mak Yi checked her MMS?" " Bedau..nama deh?" I asked her. "Asuh ya peda lok." I ended the call, and went straight to Mak Yi and told her about the MMS. She took her phone out of her bag, then she open up her inbox. There were two MMSes from Bibi. She opened one...there...was my dear uncle's hands. Around his hands was a rosary and below it was a Bible. Mak Yi wailed..then, she opened the other message...there , was Aba Jang in the casket. I couldn't hold my tears no more...He was pale, so white.He wore his suit and neck tie.We all hugged and cried as we passed the phone around for the others to see. Oh, Lord, give us strength...
By 10pm, we were all ready to meet Aba Jang. I volunteered to pick Biam, Lila and Bibi from the airport. They were on the last flight together with Aba Jang. The others waited at MAS cargo for the casket will be sent there. We all drove out of Inik's house by 11pm, they turned left to MAS cargo, I drove straight to the airport. I waited anxiously in the car. Felt like vommiting, so, I stood out of the car and walked to the arrival. The airport was quite empty. hmmm...Christmas holiday, I guessed. Finally, at 12am, they walked out of the luggage area. We walked fast to my car, then, I drove to meet the others.
Parked the car by the side of the road and we walked to the compund. Everyone was standing at the parcel area. And there, I saw him...His casket was wrapped up using cardboxes, plastics and foam. I was so hurt....so mad....at myself, for not thinking of him earlier, for not putting him in my Xmas prayer. I started to cry as I saw men carry the casket to the van. Mom told them to take off the cardboxes and plastics.They did as they were told...I saw a glimpse of his face from the casket window, I cried harder..Lila said, let's go home...pulai..we quickly walked to our cars, Lila took my car keys, she knew I couldn't drive at that moment.
We arrived earlier at Inik's than the van. The priest who patiently waited got himself ready in his white robe. The van reversed to park at the gate and we all stood outside the house. As the backdoor of the van opened, the priest started his blessing. Then, slowly, Aba Jang was brought into the house and was placed near the sliding door. Once the casket was opened, wails upon wails, cries upon cries....we didn't care about what the neighbours would think...I kneeled and cried at his foot. Mak Yi fainted. Maria and Gabik revived her and Aba Nick pulled her away. Mom was next to her, I got up and stood behind her, just in case.
I had never felt so sad in my entire life...
It took about half an hour for us to finally settle down..We continued to cry quietly as the priest began the praying session. After that, I sat on the floor for a while next to Aba Jang. Suddenly, a small bird flew out of the house. One of my relatives told me that the bird flew in the moment Aba Jang was brought into the house. Mak Yi sat and slept next to him til the next morning. The others, including myself, chose our own spot in the living room. I slept(hardly) next to mom.
I woke up around 6.30am. I opened my eyes and saw my mom and a relative sitting next to Aba Jang. I was woken up by their cries. I didn't dream it..it's real.My uncle died on Christmas day.
All of us had a job to do.Lila and Bibi had done the obituary,but could only be published in the newspaper the next day. Funeral was decided to be held on the 28th December 2008. They chose a good verse for his obituary,
2 Timothy 4 : 7 - I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Yes, he had gone through the pain, lived on pills, numerous injections...he definitely had finished the toughest race ever.
I learned that Aba Jang had suffered from the kidney failure for the past 18 years of his life. Aki told us this. I knew it was long, but I didn't know it was that long. Now, he will no longer suffer.
Mak Ya and Uncle Kent arrived from Paris around 12 noon. Mom and a few others went to Aba Jang's house to take some of his belongings to put in the coffin.His leather jacket, beret, xmas present, and some other things. Once again, we opened the casket and placed his favourite things. He looked peaceful..
I saw a photo album near the candles. I took it and slowly flipped the cover...it was pictures from Biyam's engagement party. I remembered he took lots of pictures that night, but, I thought he didn't get the chance to develop the photos. Pictures of us smiling, laughing, dancing..then, I saw his picture with Isaac. Tears rolled, I sobbed as I looked at him. He smiled beautifully. That was the last picture of Aba Jang before he died. I gave the album to Julina..she cried too. I asked mom, where did you find this album, she said it was in his office in his house.
27 December 2008
6 wreaths were placed by his casket. Beautiful, fresh flowers for Aba Jang.. Relatives and friends of Aba Jang came to offer words of comfort, gave donations and helped around. I felt so thankful to know such kind and generous people that helped us in this difficult time. Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok settled the funeral service, food supply, etc. I helped in preparing drinks for the visitors. Once in a while, I sat near my uncle's casket and wiped away dusts on the casket. Tears welled up...Lord, do take care of my dear uncle.He deserved to be with You. He gave up his adventurous life because of his illness. He gave up his passion for riding on the big bike because he couldn't keep the bike up as it was too heavy for him. He suffered for almost two decades...No more pain for him, please..Amen.
That evening, Some of us including myself got ready for Gabik's wedding reception in Bau. We drove to Aba Nick's kampung silently. Gabik and her husband arrived shortly after. She was very pretty. Too bad not everyone was here to see her in the white dress.
We didn't stay long because the priest was waiting for us to pray at Inik's house. Tonight's the last night with Aba Jang. Tommorow will be his funeral. I said goodbye to Gabik and congratulated her and her husband."Udah meh tok. Pulai jak kitak. Niboh kiroh agik," Gabik told me. I hugged her and said a few goodbyes to the others, then, we all went home.
Maria wrote a poem for Aba Jang. She asked me whether I would like to read it in his funeral service. I thought for a moment. "Ndak ulih aku, Maria. I don't think I can read all of it. I'll be crying," I told her. She wrote a beautiful poem for him and I knew that she deserved to read it herself.
28 December 2008
Today, the sky is clear. Hot and sunny...I can stand this weather,I will not complain. Aba Jang went through worse than this. But I prayed that it will not rain. No tears for my uncle, please.
Nieces, nephews, grandniece and grandnephew wore all black. Mom, Mak Yi, Mak Kok, Mak Ya, Inik, Aki, dad and uncles wore white shirts. "Manah baju aku tok?" Aki asked Mak Kok. It was a white colour batik with red spots. "Erm, medak utai bukai neh, Aba. Bisi colour bukai? Tok aku ngiga ka dik." Mak Kok said to him. She found a white and black batik. That's better.
I kissed my right palm and put it on Aba Jang's forehead. Goodbye Aba Jang...I wiped my tears and stood away from the casket. Biyam combed Aba Jang's hair using his hand. I could see his mouth moved. I couldn't catch what he said. I knew he was saying goodbye to him. Biyam and Yak Gandang sealed his casket. We weeped and waited for them to finish. It was already 12.30pm. Dad, Aba Nick, Aba Njab, Biyam, Owen and other men got their shoes ready. They stood on both sides of Aba Jang..Satu, Dua, Tiga.. His casket was lifted. They walked out slowly out of the house. The funeral van was waiting outside the housegate. Maria and I took a vase full of flowers each and walked out towards her mom's car. As we both walk, I saw Serene talking to the driver of the van.
Everyone got ready to go to St Basil church. Wreaths; checked.. Aba Jang's picture; checked...Cross; checked. Flowers; checked...
At the church, we took our positions before walking into the church. Father Dennis led us in slowly after the church bell rang. A lot of people in the church. See, Aba Jang, you're never alone. We all loved you. I hold my tears as I walked to the front. In front, Maria and I stood at the side, to give way to Aba Jang. We both placed the flowers on the floor, on both sides of his picture.
Then, the service began. Father Dennis talked about Aba Jang.He told those in church, how long he suffered from his illness and what actually took his life away. He told us not to worry, the Lord will take care of him from now on. He will live next to the Lord. Amen to that..Then, he invited Biyam and Maria to read the eulogy and tribute. Biyam managed to read his part well..I couldn't hold my tears no more..I sobbed so hard.."And now, I would like to invite my sister, Maria." Then, Maria walked to the rostrum.."Um, this is a tribute to our beloved uncle," she announced. As she read the poem, her voice trembled..I sobbed even harder, eventhough I've read the poem few times earlier. I covered my face with a towel that I brought with me.I'm so sorry, Aba Jang..I'm so sorry...
After she finished reading the poem, the service continued. The last hymn was sang. I barely sang...it was too hard. Then, Father Dennis told us, immediate families, to stand in front near Aba Jang. This was done to pay our last respects. One by one, visitors stood up and walk to the front, paid their respects and say their condolences to us. I could hear Mom, Mak Yi, and the others cried loudly. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't even bother to wipe them..It was useless now.
We returned to our seats and said our last prayer. It was time to send him to the cemetery. We took the flowers again, and Maria drove to the cemetery. Hazard lights switched on. It was like a parade...A parade for Aba Jang. Mak Yi led the convoy slowly to the graveyard. Some motorists gave way to us, some didn't.
Finally, we arrived at the Anglican Cemetery in Batu Kitang. It was windy and sunny. Thank you, God. The men carried him out of the van and placed him next to his 6 feet hole. The hole was walled up with cement. Slowly, they put him in his grave, using ropes. Father Gregory started to pray and we bowed our heads. Dirt was passed around to be thrown in. "Anang maioh, mimit ajak," Aki said. Aki still cared for him. He doesn't want Aba Jang to get dirty.
Prayer completed. We stood away from the grave to let the grave workers closed up the grave. It was completed within 15 minutes and they covered it using zinc. We began to lit up candles for our dear Aba Jang, Ujang, Bojeng, Aki Lawyer. The wind was quite strong, candles fell to the ground. Aba Jang, anang nyepu...Half an hour later, Maria, Biyam, Sue and I were the last ones left. I wept for the last time for him..Hope you will get what you wanted now. Be strong... You are now not alone, but with the Lord.
Biyam stayed longer..I knew he felt guilty for leaving Aba Jang behind in the hospital. God has better plans than us, Biyam. It was already Aba Jang's time to leave. I looked up to the sky... Farewell, hope to see you again, Aba Jang.
My uncle died on Christmas Day. I praised God for choosing such a blessed day for him. From now on, Christmas will never be the same. He will be the second person after Jesus in our thoughts.
I will miss him dearly..because, his illness actually brought the family together. We rushed to bring him home from Miri, so that all of us can take care of him. We helped each other to help him. We put aside our quarrels and hatred for his sake. Most of all, he made us be near to God.
In loving memory... Aba Jang.. May you rest in peace, Amen.
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