I'll miss her...

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have read all my posts, you may think that this blog is a very sad blog. Talking about death, life after death and then another death. I feel sorry for you if you think that way. I wished I could write happy things every day, really I do. But, these past few months were challenging to me and my family. Only God knows how I'm feeling right now.

Heart is broken yet again after I found out Inik Tana died. I heard the news from Bibi on the phone. She couldn't wait any longer to take her last breath and so, she died at 9.10pm with Mak Wis, Mak Wa, Mak Moi, Mak Lo and Aba Ndin around her. To those who don't know who this beautiful lady was, she was Dad's loving Mother. She was also my favourite Grandma and my second name was given after her.

I never saw Dad cry until the day Inik Tana died. Mom told me he wailed in the car when he heard about Inik. They were on their way to Inik's place that night she died. Unfortunate for Dad, he didn't get to see her alive for the last time. Fourty three days after Aba Jang passed away, Inik Tana died on the 5th February 2009.

If you want me to talk about Inik Tana, I could only tell you great things about her. She was an educated person who was fluent in English. I still remember how shocked Maria was when she saw my Inik read English newspapers when we were both young. When she was still physically ok, she walked around her neighbourhood every morning and evening and did gardening. She was a very strong lady both physically and mentally until she fell on her back after she slipped on the bathroom floor two years ago.

Memories of her will bring laughter to anyone who listens about her. She liked to make jokes even when she was in pain. "Apa jahi kuak nya nadai kuat...asai ticak jak uhut kuak," "Apuu...tuai mat mua ku dalam gambar nyakk, nya bahu inik urang..baka nenek kebayan," If you know Iban, you'll understand these.

I'll miss millions of things about her. I'll miss her smile...I'll miss her smell...I'll miss kissing her cheeks..I'll miss hugging her...I'll miss saying, "Oh nek, apa gaga dik nek..dah makai?"I'll miss holding her hand...I'll miss her kindness and thoughtfullness...I'll miss her scolding, even..

Dad lost his mom...Mom lost her brother...I lost two most loved persons in the family. But I know God love both of them more than anyone else. I hope they are now safe in His hands. During the days of mourning her death, we sang a few praise and worship songs which were her favourites. One of the songs was this..

Betapa Hatiku

Betapa hatiku Tuhan, berterima kasih Yesus

Kau mengasihi ku, Tuhan. Kau memiliki ku.

Hanya ini Tuhan, persembahan ku

Segenap hidupku, jiwa dan raga ku

S’bab tak ku miliki, harta kekayaan

Yang cukup bererti ‘tuk ku persembahkan

Hanya ini Tuhan, permohonan ku

Terimalah Tuhan persembahan ku

Pakailah hidupku, sebagai alatmu

Seumur hidupku.

Yes, it is weird to sing praise and worship songs during mourning period. We did it for her. Father Trevor brought his ukelele to the cemetery and sang together with Aba Ndin and my cousins at her funeral. They sang all her favourite songs while we wait for the workers to seal her grave.

She had lived her life simple, saw her six great grand children already before she die, served the country, served God as a good Christian and fulfilled her task as a mother to her six children. She was a wonderful Grandma that anyone could ever wish for.

May she rest in peace.