I'll miss her...

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have read all my posts, you may think that this blog is a very sad blog. Talking about death, life after death and then another death. I feel sorry for you if you think that way. I wished I could write happy things every day, really I do. But, these past few months were challenging to me and my family. Only God knows how I'm feeling right now.

Heart is broken yet again after I found out Inik Tana died. I heard the news from Bibi on the phone. She couldn't wait any longer to take her last breath and so, she died at 9.10pm with Mak Wis, Mak Wa, Mak Moi, Mak Lo and Aba Ndin around her. To those who don't know who this beautiful lady was, she was Dad's loving Mother. She was also my favourite Grandma and my second name was given after her.

I never saw Dad cry until the day Inik Tana died. Mom told me he wailed in the car when he heard about Inik. They were on their way to Inik's place that night she died. Unfortunate for Dad, he didn't get to see her alive for the last time. Fourty three days after Aba Jang passed away, Inik Tana died on the 5th February 2009.

If you want me to talk about Inik Tana, I could only tell you great things about her. She was an educated person who was fluent in English. I still remember how shocked Maria was when she saw my Inik read English newspapers when we were both young. When she was still physically ok, she walked around her neighbourhood every morning and evening and did gardening. She was a very strong lady both physically and mentally until she fell on her back after she slipped on the bathroom floor two years ago.

Memories of her will bring laughter to anyone who listens about her. She liked to make jokes even when she was in pain. "Apa jahi kuak nya nadai kuat...asai ticak jak uhut kuak," "Apuu...tuai mat mua ku dalam gambar nyakk, nya bahu inik urang..baka nenek kebayan," If you know Iban, you'll understand these.

I'll miss millions of things about her. I'll miss her smile...I'll miss her smell...I'll miss kissing her cheeks..I'll miss hugging her...I'll miss saying, "Oh nek, apa gaga dik nek..dah makai?"I'll miss holding her hand...I'll miss her kindness and thoughtfullness...I'll miss her scolding, even..

Dad lost his mom...Mom lost her brother...I lost two most loved persons in the family. But I know God love both of them more than anyone else. I hope they are now safe in His hands. During the days of mourning her death, we sang a few praise and worship songs which were her favourites. One of the songs was this..

Betapa Hatiku

Betapa hatiku Tuhan, berterima kasih Yesus

Kau mengasihi ku, Tuhan. Kau memiliki ku.

Hanya ini Tuhan, persembahan ku

Segenap hidupku, jiwa dan raga ku

S’bab tak ku miliki, harta kekayaan

Yang cukup bererti ‘tuk ku persembahkan

Hanya ini Tuhan, permohonan ku

Terimalah Tuhan persembahan ku

Pakailah hidupku, sebagai alatmu

Seumur hidupku.

Yes, it is weird to sing praise and worship songs during mourning period. We did it for her. Father Trevor brought his ukelele to the cemetery and sang together with Aba Ndin and my cousins at her funeral. They sang all her favourite songs while we wait for the workers to seal her grave.

She had lived her life simple, saw her six great grand children already before she die, served the country, served God as a good Christian and fulfilled her task as a mother to her six children. She was a wonderful Grandma that anyone could ever wish for.

May she rest in peace.

A beautiful flower laid to rest

5th February 2009...9.10pm...

Flora Umpang Linang 

~14 April 1917 - 5 February 2009 ~

Inik Tana died in her room at her home. She was 91 years old and was bedridden for two years. Another death, another heartbreak for the family. I knew she will leave soon, but I never knew that her death will leave another terrible, emotional scar in me.

I need few more days to recover. I'll write about this soon.

Her funeral was reported in Eastern Times. This is definitely one famous Inik.

Till the next post..

40th day after ...

Today is Aba Jang's 40th day after he left us. Yesterday, a few of us went to the Anglican cemetery in Batu Kitang to lit up candles for him. Though it was raining the whole day, we decided to carry on with our plan to go there. We arrived at the cemetery around 3.30pm and there were quite a number of cars parked along the road. Must be a funeral.

It was cold and wet out there, luckily I brought my sweater jacket. We walked from our cars, passing by tombstones after tombstones. Stopping for a few seconds when Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok saw familiar ones. We even stop to look at nice tombstones for ideas for Aba Jang's.

A funeral had already ended by the time we reached the graveyard. An Iban family just lost their grandmother / aunty / sister. A 50 year old lady. May God bless her soul. We moved quietly as possible, ignoring them as we searched. It took a while to look for him. "Aba Jang, dini alai dik?", I called out softly. Almost instant, Lila found him..

Mom saw two candles had already been lit. We cleared out old candles and rubbish on top of his grave. Mom took out new ones and placed two big candles on both sides of the cross. I lit them up and we started to lit the other candles. It was difficult to make them stand in this rain.

Suddenly, a family member of the funeral greeted us and told us that she knew Aba Jang. One of her relative was Aba Jang's friend. He was the one who lit the two candles. She even mentioned that the deceased knew him, too. The deceased was also a kidney patient and she received treatment from the Kuching general hospital just like Aba Jang. Also, her illness took her life away.
They moved out to their cars and we were left alone. We finished up lighting the candles and we talked for a while before we left. The rain was getting heavier so we couldn't stay long. Mom, Mak Yi and Mak Kok cried a bit. I knew it was still hard on them to face the fact that their brother died.

We said our goodbyes to him and we made a promise that we will come and visit him again. Our next task is to choose the right design for his tombstone. Mom said to put flower design on his tombstone. We all disagreed with her. I don't think Aba Jang wants that...definitely not.

We will miss you, Aba Jang. Good bye...

@}->--